Some say resolutions are made to be broken, especially when we have the high expectation that we will most certainly break old destructive habits. We simply may be setting ourselves up for failure by not honoring how we can go about realistically changing. Let’s be easy rather than hard on ourselves, kind and gentle rather than harsh and unforgiving. And then let’s throw in some self-examination for good measure as we focus on our feelings and attitudes BEFORE we make other, more specific, resolutions. It’s a four step process:
1. Value yourself
You are a unique individual who has a purpose. You deserve to be here.
2. Value your accomplishments
You have talents and abilities that others can and have benefitted from. Take time to focus on your accomplishments and not what you lack.
3. Value your creativeness
Your life has been a creative act. You have made the decisions which have brought you to this point. Concentrate upon what has gone right with your life not with what has gone wrong. Know that you will continue to create your life moving forward.
4. Feeling better about yourself? Now go ahead with making those resolutions…..
This information is for educational purposes only and should not in any way be considered a substitute for professional help. If you feel that you need immediate assistance please call your local psychiatric emergency services.
: a place where someone or something is protected or given shelter
: the protection that is provided by a safe place
: the room inside a church, synagogue, etc., where religious services are held
From the Mirriam-Webster online dictionary
Life can be rough. There are a lot of demands on us from day-to-day. That’s why it is so important to have a place to go where we feel safe, unharried and comfortable. This is our sanctuary.
For many years I found sanctuary on my perch on the sea wall near Municipal Pier in San Francisco. (It is said that Otis Redding wrote “The Dock of the Bay” while sitting on this pier. If you spend time there you will understand how inspirational a place this can be.) I started going there regularly when my mother died. I had a conflicted relationship with her but a parent’s death is always a milestone no matter how good or bad the relationship was. I felt I needed to sort things out.
I was stuck in a dead end job that I could do with my eyes closed. I was bored and frustrated and grieving. When I had a day off I would walk the couple of miles down and back to the bay and sit in the same place looking out at the Golden Gate bridge and the Marin Headlands. The walk and the sitting became a kind of ritual for me, a pilgrimage of sorts. It chipped away at my sadness and boredom. I began to see a way out of the trap I felt I was in. Gradually I came to a decision to make a major change in my life. And I did.
Sanctuary in 3 steps
Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except your self.
If you are not indulging yourself in sanctuary on a regular basis then you may be using up all your reserves. A sure sign of this is a lack of enthusiasm at best and feeling burned out at worst. Life doesn’t sparkle and shine. You go through the motions without being connected to a sense of purpose. This is not a good state of affairs yet many of us are stuck in this way of being.
Yes, you have to make a living and take care of business at home. But how can you regain and maintain your enthusiasm for all the little things that you choose to do each day? It’s a three step process:
1.) Acknowledge that your life is your own and you have made all the small decisions which have brought you to where you are at this point. If you are dissatisfied with things as they are you can choose to do things differently.
2.) Set aside time at least once a week to be alone in a place that you feel comfortable. This will be your sanctuary, a place which is sacred to you. It could be your bedroom, garage, car, deck, patio, place of worship or outdoor setting.
3.) Decide upon an activity which you can pursue in this space that will help you to feel more contemplative and reflective. It could be a physical activity such as hiking or a creative pursuit like writing. The important thing is to give yourself unstructured time to mull things over without your everyday routine interfering.
We can miss the sacredness of life if we don’t slow down to see where we’re going. Pretty soon we end up somewhere we don’t want to be. Finding sanctuary can be a way to rediscover what we really want and the path we need to take to get there.