Author: kathleenmc1953@sbcglobal.net

eBay, hoarding, estate sales and our relationship to things

Posted on by kathleenmc1953@sbcglobal.net

EBay, hoarding and estate sales

I live in the United States so what I am describing is particular to what goes on in this country, but this could be true in other countries as well. I term it the eBay-hoarding-estate sale syndrome. You are probably familiar with it. It is quite a phenomenon here because we are born and bred to be consumers.

I have had some experiences lately that brought this home and challenged me to look at my buying habits. Here is the story in three parts.

Buy eBay

I don’t personally use eBay but I have friends who buy and sell on it frequently. A friend of mine and I were talking about her recent experiences selling doll clothes. Fairly often people buy things and then do not pay for them. One woman in particular kept coming up with excuses as to why she could not pay. She was disabled. She was in the hospital. She didn’t have enough money coming in every month. My friend was extremely patient and compassionate and advised her to think about all this before she presses the BUY button again.

I wonder whether this potential purchaser will take this advice or will continue to buy things she can’t afford. Which brings us to the hoard.

More is never enough

Hoarding is ubiquitous in the U.S. It is the subject of TV shows. Therapists specialize in treating it. Professional organizers help to sort through it. Junk haulers get rid of it. And a whole industry of storage facilities exist to contain what is left.

I have recently had a personal experience with this as an elderly relative has become ill and has been placed in an assisted living facility. We found out she had been hoarding when her apartment was due to be vacated. I thought it was strange that I had never been invited over; that should have been a warning sign. Now the family and friends are arbiters of what is and is not important in five rooms of things piled almost to the ceiling. Much of it will be thrown away and what little income she still has is going toward two storage lockers full of her things. An estate sale will get rid of the rest.

Self-possession

The other day I went to an estate sale with a friend. It was in a house up in the hills of Marin just north of San Francisco. As I wandered through a house full of the artifacts of a life I was given to wonder if these things were a reflection of the person or if the person was defined by these things. I looked at her library, her kitchen ware, her clothing, her jewelry, her furniture – a lifetime of collecting. I wanted to know who she was and what she was. In the end, I could tell that she had taken care to value those things and to value herself.

The question is…..do your things have you or do you have your things?

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If you would like more information or support the following links may be helpful:

Treating People Who Hoard — What Works for Clients and Families
By Jennifer Van Pelt, MA
www.socialworktoday.com/archive/051711p14.shtml

International OCD Foundation Hoarding Center
www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding

DISCLAIMER
This information is for educational purposes only and should not in any way be considered a substitute for professional help. If you feel that you need immediate assistance please call your local psychiatric emergency services.

Getting older and better?

Posted on by kathleenmc1953@sbcglobal.net

Getting older and better

Assumptions about aging

For those of us approaching retirement age and beyond each birthday brings new revelations about aging. We can “age well”, “age gracefully” or “look good for our age” . These are the positive connotations, of course, while the negative image of aging is implied. It is assumed that we are trying to keep up appearances and that it is all downhill from here. Lip service is paid to “honoring our elders” but the reality is usually much different. In a youth-obsessed culture aging is not valued. At best we are seen as glorified babysitters and, at worst, as aged children to be controlled and managed.

Could there be another reality for us as we age?

Losing our identity

As it stands today, many adults over 55 are facing a reality far different from our parents. Some of us have saved and are secure but a great number of us are facing no pensions, depleted retirement accounts and chronic health problems. We may have had to retire early due to lack of employment opportunities. We may have acquired a chronic illness and have had to leave our career due to a disability. Whatever the case may be, this is a time of transition when most adults lose, either voluntarily or otherwise, their primary identity.

Your work pretty much dictates your social circle, the neighborhood you live in and the general financial security of your family. The question is: who are you without it?

Rediscovering ourselves

The rub is not to be LESS of a person as we age but MORE. We can become more than a number or an afterthought in a marketer’s arsenal. We can find true satisfaction as we age. How can we accomplish this?

  • Well, above all, we have time. Allow yourself to use this time to rediscover what is important to you.
  • Review your expenses with an eye toward what you can live without. Having more things means using your time and money to maintain those things. Less is more.
  • Utilize your wise self. You know a lot. Find a part-time or volunteer position where you can impart this knowledge.
  • Allow yourself to daydream about the things in your life that you would still like to do. It could be travel, writing a book, starting a blog, learning a language, taking up painting or re-building an engine. You might pursue a hobby that you didn’t have time for when you were younger, become fully involved in something that you dabbled in when you were working or begin a totally new endeavor.
  • Have a serious talk with your family and friends about how you would like to be treated as you continue to age. Challenge them to see you as a vibrant individual who will still contribute. Require respect. Have this talk as often as you feel it is necessary.
  • Revisit your understanding of your higher nature. Prepare to be your best self now that you have the time. The way you do this will be unique to you and could include participating in any kind of spiritual pursuit that calls to you. Or not.

After all, if you’ve made it to this age, this is the time to get it right. Have fun. Make mistakes. But don’t let it pass you by. You have so much to give and so much to learn………..still.