Author: kathleenmc1953@sbcglobal.net

Helping a friend with an alcohol or drug problem

Posted on by kathleenmc1953@sbcglobal.net
the bridge back
the bridge back

A friend of mine sought my counsel today. She has a friend who is depressed and drinking heavily. She says he is, “going steadily downhill”. Other friends of his have attempted to help by putting pressure on him to get help. This has not been effective. My friend has remained on the sidelines not knowing how to approach the situation. She wanted to get some advice about how she might help. I gave her some suggestions.

Attitude adjustment
People who have alcohol and/or drug problems are usually very down on themselves already. The last thing that he needs is for people to be critical. If you want to begin to talk with him about his drinking approach him with acceptance and respect. A nonjudgemental attitude will go a long way in engaging him in a meaningful discussion of his alcohol use.

Offer support
Offering him your opinion that he may need help is a delicate matter. Only he can decide to get help. If you are understanding and supportive it is more likely that he will be receptive to your observations.

Provide resources
Be ready to provide resources if he acknowledges the problem and agrees that he may need to stop his use. There are programs that are outpatient, residential and self-help. 12-step programs are a good resource but there also are other alternatives now which engage the person with a substance use problem in an exploration of the problem and may give him tools to decrease his use, use more safely and/or move toward abstinence as he decides what is best for him. This approach is called harm reduction. You can find a list of resources here:

http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov

Set limits
Take care of yourself in this. Do what you can to assist him but be firm about the kind of behaviors that you will not tolerate. These behaviors could include drinking while you are in the car with him, insulting or violent behavior, stealing, etc.

Be prepared for setbacks
In the end he may or may not choose to effectively cope with his problem. He may try several times to get the help he needs and not be successful. But remember, research and experience have shown relapse is the rule rather than the exception and it often takes more than one try to be successful. Your role as his friend may be to be the voice of reassurance and optimism in the background. After all, it’s his show…..

DISCLAIMER
This information is for educational purposes only and should not in any way be considered a substitute for professional help. If you feel that you need immediate assistance please call your local psychiatric emergency services.

Having a bad day?

Posted on by kathleenmc1953@sbcglobal.net

Having a bad day

Some days things will not go your way. I’m not talking about those days when you may have some setbacks. I’m talking about those days when you just can’t seem to do anything right, when it seems that you can’t pick yourself up, brush yourself off and try again. When, no matter how you try, you can’t begin to do things the “right” way.

People describe feeling ungrounded. A general feeling of dis-ease descends into increasing anxiety. These feelings are amplified by trying harder and harder to accomplish something, which on other days, might be fairly easy to do. As a result you can begin to feel incompetent. This can spiral downward as the day wears on.

How do you pull yourself out?

Notice how you feel
Feeling somewhat anxious when facing the challenges of the day is not unusual but when the anxiety becomes sustained it can be counterproductive to continue to repeatedly try to get something done and not be successful. Tune in to how you are feeling. If your anxiety is increasing as the day goes on, back off and use some of the following strategies to help you feel more grounded and in charge.

Lower expectations
Being too hard on yourself won’t help you achieve your goals. When we are too anxious it is disabling. Back off from what you feel you have to get done. Bite off a smaller chunk to work on. Give yourself permission to NOT get everything done.

Take a break
Do something else. Get your mind off the task at hand for 15 minutes to a half hour. Take a nap (or take a powernap if a nap sounds too wimpy to you), take a walk or indulge in a conversation with a work buddy or a friend. Many people do their best work when they leave the task at hand and come back to it later.

Eat and/or drink something
You could be dehydrated or your blood sugar might be low. Either of these things can have an effect on your thinking, mood or energy level. You can become dehydrated even in the course of normal daily activities other than exercise. Regular small meals are also recommended to stay sharp.

Back on track (or not)
Recognizing you are off kilter and doing something about it may give you the chance to redeem the day. If not, surrender to the inevitable and remember, tomorrow is another day…….