Tag: coping

Getting older and better?

Posted on by kathleenmc1953@sbcglobal.net

Getting older and better

Assumptions about aging

For those of us approaching retirement age and beyond each birthday brings new revelations about aging. We can “age well”, “age gracefully” or “look good for our age” . These are the positive connotations, of course, while the negative image of aging is implied. It is assumed that we are trying to keep up appearances and that it is all downhill from here. Lip service is paid to “honoring our elders” but the reality is usually much different. In a youth-obsessed culture aging is not valued. At best we are seen as glorified babysitters and, at worst, as aged children to be controlled and managed.

Could there be another reality for us as we age?

Losing our identity

As it stands today, many adults over 55 are facing a reality far different from our parents. Some of us have saved and are secure but a great number of us are facing no pensions, depleted retirement accounts and chronic health problems. We may have had to retire early due to lack of employment opportunities. We may have acquired a chronic illness and have had to leave our career due to a disability. Whatever the case may be, this is a time of transition when most adults lose, either voluntarily or otherwise, their primary identity.

Your work pretty much dictates your social circle, the neighborhood you live in and the general financial security of your family. The question is: who are you without it?

Rediscovering ourselves

The rub is not to be LESS of a person as we age but MORE. We can become more than a number or an afterthought in a marketer’s arsenal. We can find true satisfaction as we age. How can we accomplish this?

  • Well, above all, we have time. Allow yourself to use this time to rediscover what is important to you.
  • Review your expenses with an eye toward what you can live without. Having more things means using your time and money to maintain those things. Less is more.
  • Utilize your wise self. You know a lot. Find a part-time or volunteer position where you can impart this knowledge.
  • Allow yourself to daydream about the things in your life that you would still like to do. It could be travel, writing a book, starting a blog, learning a language, taking up painting or re-building an engine. You might pursue a hobby that you didn’t have time for when you were younger, become fully involved in something that you dabbled in when you were working or begin a totally new endeavor.
  • Have a serious talk with your family and friends about how you would like to be treated as you continue to age. Challenge them to see you as a vibrant individual who will still contribute. Require respect. Have this talk as often as you feel it is necessary.
  • Revisit your understanding of your higher nature. Prepare to be your best self now that you have the time. The way you do this will be unique to you and could include participating in any kind of spiritual pursuit that calls to you. Or not.

After all, if you’ve made it to this age, this is the time to get it right. Have fun. Make mistakes. But don’t let it pass you by. You have so much to give and so much to learn………..still.

Coping with chronic illness: step-by-step

Posted on by kathleenmc1953@sbcglobal.net

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I have a chronic illness. This has led me to become sensitized to how people cope and how they may define recovery given the nature of a chronic illness. Anyone could probably tell you that there are stages that you go through. These have been widely written about. As is often the case we all have our own way of dealing with things; see if you can relate to what I have found to be true for me. These stages are not mutually exclusive; we can be participating in more than one at a time and can keep recycling through. I try to keep in mind that it is important not to judge myself or others based upon how each of us is uniquely coping with our illness.

Denial

If you have enjoyed good health throughout your life having less than optimal health can be quite challenging. My first response to my illness was to ignore my symptoms and try harder and harder to do the work that I had always felt I was called to do in my professional career. I ignored the warning signs, increased my stress level and, consequently, my symptoms became much worse.

Seeking expert guidance

As my symptoms worsened I went to my primary doctor and many specialists to try to find out what was wrong with me. I turned myself over to the medical profession for my care. I believed in the medical profession. I got some answers but the puzzle of my illness continued. Things remained unexplained even after I received a diagnosis. When I attempted to express my concerns I felt that I was dismissed and misunderstood. I became resentful and angry.

Education

I began to feel a little better but not enough to continue on with all the demands in my personal and work lives. I was dissatisfied with this state of affairs. I began to seek out answers on my own. I read academic journal articles, alternative health blogs and participated in forums. This was the beginning of taking back more control of my health and feeling empowered to move forward in an informed and collaborative way with a physician who had a deeper understanding of the illness I was diagnosed with.

Advocacy

I experienced a great deal of frustration with the medical system throughout this time. Only at this point, however, did I have enough energy to look outside of my own needs to see how other people with my diagnosis were also struggling to find answers and proper care. I started a support group with others whom I had met on forums. I got involved in efforts to promote awareness on the local level. I went to the state capital to advocate for the needs of our community.

Acceptance

This has taken several years! I still have many of the same symptoms. I have seen some improvements and am hopeful about the future. My attitude has changed; I am engaged in the process of healing and am not chasing a cure. My appreciation for the things I DO have in my life is no longer limited. This brings me happiness.

And again

I am an imperfect human. I can go back to feeling victimized, angry and resentful. This does happen sometimes. My job is to use the tools I have developed to manage my illness AND my perspective.

DISCLAIMER
This information is for educational purposes only and should not in any way be considered a substitute for professional help. If you feel that you need immediate assistance please call your local psychiatric emergency services.