Resolution strategy refinement

Getting back on track
Getting back on track

You’ve had time to think about what is important to you to change. You’ve implemented a strategy to change. Now it’s time to look at how your overall goal matches your needs and how your strategy is working.

It is easy to assume that making a resolution is the heavy lifting and that everything will fall into place as the year goes on. However many great resolutions go by the wayside because we are not willing to re-evaluate what we are doing and how we are doing it. I will give you an example.

Often people want to stop a certain behavior, be it abuse of drugs or alcohol, overeating or smoking. Let’s stick with the example of smoking cessation for now. You’ve made a resolution to stop and now it is the end of January. You may have quit for a few days but now you are right back to smoking the same number of cigarettes that you had been before the New Year.

There are two questions to ask yourself at this point:
1.) Is this the right goal (stopping smoking) for me?
2.) Am I going about it in a realistic way?

For certain behaviors, of course, there is no question that stopping will be beneficial. Smoking is one of those behaviors. So the answer is yes to the first question. It’s the second question that can make or break the achievement of your goal and if you are not open to re-evaluating things then your resolution will be very difficult if not impossible to achieve.

Say your strategy was to quit cold turkey. Many people are successful with this strategy. Many are not. The research shows that the more strategies you use to stop smoking the more likely you are to be successful. So you do some research on your own and find out that your preparation to achieve your goal was limited since it only provided you with one strategy. Your willingness to rethink things allows you to TRY AGAIN with a number of other strategies.

One of my mantras is: THINK, PREPARE, DO, REFINE. And then do it again…and again… This persistence is how change happens.

Allow the month of February to be your time to refine the implementation of your goals. No one does anything the way anyone else does. We can learn from the research and other people’s experiences but each of us has to fine tune how we get to where we want to be.

Happy changing!

DISCLAIMER
This information is for educational purposes only and should not in any way be considered a substitute for professional help. If you feel that you need immediate assistance please call your local psychiatric emergency services.

Open your home to open yourself

open your home to open yourself

I know of a couple who have it all it seems: a house in the Hollywood Hills, an infinity pool, financial security, an intelligent daughter, great careers. They are a model couple in many respects. One person stays home and attends to the home front, the other has a high-powered role in Hollywood.

Recently this couple opened their home to another couple who were relocating from the east coast. This is when the picture began to change. The cracks in the relationship became more apparent. The presence of guests laid bare the problems this family was having behind closed doors. It was soon after this that things began to unravel for the couple; the difficulties and problems became obvious. The outcome for their relationship is uncertain at this juncture but they can no longer deny that they have work to do.`

The question is: Can your private relationship stand the scrutiny of others in the daily context of living? I would dare to say that inviting others into your home is the ultimate test of a relationship. You lay yourself bare; appearances are very difficult to maintain. You actually might discover that you have work to do where you thought you had none.

We have isolated ourselves from others so that we don’t have to rub up against our rough edges. When we enter their world or they enter ours our routines are upset. We discover how we have limited ourselves.

Because of this, I am becoming a fan of less privacy in order to discover and know ourselves. Living in the insular world of the couple or family prevents us from being who we fully are.

I would suggest that we stay with our friends more and use hotels less…